When someone close to us begins acting differently, there is often a temptation to blame whomever he/she is hanging out with. If a teenager becomes more rebellious, it must be because of those new friends. If a wife becomes more assertive, it must be because she has been talking to the friend who’s getting divorced. It is so much easier to blame someone else, than to look at the part we might be playing in contributing to the communication problem.
If a person is genuinely valued and feels heard in a relationship, no one can come along out of the blue and convince them that their parent or spouse is a jerk, any more than someone could convince you to quit a job that is satisfying and rewarding. If there is long standing, underlying discontent, it certainly can be fired up by hearing others with similar complaints. But it is erroneous to mistake those others as the cause of the problem.
To do so shifts the focus from where it belongs, to a secondary issue that can take on a life of its own. You end up arguing over whether the friend is a good person or not (and probably the accuser does not even know him/her that well) or getting into a power struggle over the right of an individual to choose his or her own friends. Either way you create more distance in the relationship, which is the problem that had you worried in the first place. This only makes things worse, because if a person is unhappy, they feel that their friend is the only one who understands. If we dump on that person, we are backing the one in question into a corner. Most importantly, we are not dealing with the real issue.
Generally, in this type of situation, the relationship is suffering from growing pains, because someone wants to have more of a say in their own life. Often a power struggle results. If it is a child, there must be boundaries set by parents, but this does not mean that the child cannot be heard or that there might not be room to compromise. If it is in a couple’s relationship, they may need a third party to help them through it, because change can be threatening.
Inability to change however, is a greater threat to any relationship. If you find yourself blaming a third party for a problem in your relationship, recognize that that person would likely not have so much influence if you were truly listening with your heart. Hopefully, it’s not too late to start.
Gwen Randall-Young is an author and award-winning psychologist. For permission to reprint this article, or to obtain books, CDs or MP3s, visit www.gwen.ca. Follow Gwen on Facebook for daily inspiration.
Annie’s Journal Written by Annie Warner Donnelly
Building a Family Framework based on our belief in God’s words and His promises helps us create a safe, loving, beautiful environment where each adult and each child can learn and grow and thrive. But, it isn’t enough to build a Family Framework of Beliefs; beliefs must be put into practice.
In 1998, Sheila Ellison and Barbara Ann Barnett wrote a book called, 365 Ways to Raise Great Kids: Activities for Growing Bright, Caring, Honest, Respectful and Creative Children. Sheila and Barbara believe that doing things together as a family is important, but they’re thinking beyond vacations and special outings.
Following are a few of their ideas for helpfulness that involve the whole family. An added benefit according to the authors is: An attitude of helpfulness creates a feeling of togetherness within the family as everyone works toward common goals.
Many of us have heard of Chore Charts, but have you heard of a Help Wanted Bulletin Board? This special Board enables children, and adults too, to choose the chores they most like to do because they’re interested in, and possibly good at, doing them. Here’s what to post on it.
Write up advertisements for the jobs you have available, for example:
Looking for someone strong to help move books (or whatever needs moving).
If you like to work outside, answer this ad for chopping wood, leaf raking, seed planting (or whatever else needs doing).
Another idea is: Window washer needed.
You may want to offer pay for some of these jobs, or perhaps children have to answer a certain number of ads to receive their allowance. In the spirit of caring for their home, they may simply be asked to complete a certain number of jobs each week.
This next idea could end in a water fight, but water fights create fun memories. What’s the idea? Wash something together. Maybe it’s the car or the boat, or the dog. Fun is good for everyone’s mental health!
Doing chores can be wonderful memory makers when the whole family is involved. So, the next time a room in your house needs cleaning, why not do it together in six steps?
- Make a list of what needs to be done.
- Decide the order in which things need to be done.
- Decide what each person will do.
- Decide if someone needs to be a supervisor.
- Get your supplies together.
- Get your smiles on, and begin.
It’s good for a family to realize what they can accomplish together, and how much fun it can be. It helps children be proud of their home, and each other. Hopefully, it inspires each one to keep things tidy. Not only that, children learn how to care for a home before they’re responsible for one on their own, PLUS they can learn how to have fun along the way.
May God bless our efforts to raise bright children who are caring, honest, respectful, creative, helpful, and fun-loving! Amen.
Transitioning from fear to Love!
Predictions from Archangel Michael
It is time for all of you to look into your own Truth. Much of your history has been hidden from you by a darker element of humanity which had it’s own agenda to control the world and keep the population in fear and ignorance. You have unfortunately been brainwashed! Earth is but a tiny speck in the vast Universe of Life. Life on Earth has always been an experiment. A spark of Nature was incarnated on Earth eons ago, to experience the Light and Dark side of it’s own being. That experiment is now coming to a close as all of Nature is returning to it’s own beingness of Love. Therefore, as souls transition from a 3rd Dimensional existence to the 5th Dimension of Love, a New Earth is being created. God is Love, therefore, it is inevitable that all of Nature and human beings return to this Love! God gave every single soul Free Will to ‘play out’ these agendas on Earth, but unfortunately the dark forces misused the technology.
Nevertheless, new technologies to ‘clean up’ our planet earth as well as new sustainable energies and new healing technologies will be developed whereby souls will no longer have to suffer as they have done in the past. Finances will change as monies taken from you by the few will come back and abundance will be yours to do with as you will. Smaller communities of LOVE will be created instead of greed. Large conglomerates will no longer control your planet.
As Lightworkers all over the globe embrace this TRUTH more Light will flood the planet. Your bodies are changing from Carbon based to Crystalline and cannot be altered by any dark engineering. Have no fear of anything that you are being told that might kill you, including bacteria, viruses, toxins, 5G or indeed vaccines as long as you remain in the higher vibration of Love. Neverthless, fear
continues to be orchestrated by the dark agenda as they see their control diminishing. Love everything that is taken inside of your body and transform it to Light.
It is nevertheless essential that every soul question and discern for himself. Therefore, think with the higher intelligence of your heart where the truth resides! We all have Free Will to believe
whatever we believe. However as adults, let us develop our ‘critical’ thinking and learn to question
everything we have ever been told. The falsehood is now coming to the surface and much more Truth is
available to us. Keep an open mind in these confusing times. It is time for you to go within. Know the
truth and the truth will set you free! Sit in silence and meditate on these words and seek your own
TRUTH. No one can control you unless you let them! You are a spark of Divinity which can manifest
your future. The Light has won this battle against the dark and the future is assured.
Call on your own Higher Self, Ascended Masters, Guides and Angels to help you to
transform and create a New Earth.
Transitioning from fear to Love Discussion Group Tue. 1:00-3:00 pm. Life-transforming
books available to enlighten your mind/heal your emotions and free your Spirit!
Rita Be-Still, Light-Bearer