Health & Wellness
Jo Knows Nutrition
Parmesan Crusted Tilapia – Baked not Fried
This baked tilapia recipe is perfect for a weeknight supper, but also elegant enough to serve to company. So versatile – tilapia is an economical whitefish that has a very mild taste, making it easy to pair with any type of seasoning. Even picky eaters and those who do not love fish will like tilapia that’s smothered in parmesan and crispy breadcrumbs. Add some
steamed veggies and brown rice on the side for a nutritious and delicious meal.
4 tilapia fillets or other white fish fillets
2 teaspoons (10 ml) grated lemon peel
Salt and freshly ground black pepper to taste
1 tablespoon (15 ml) olive oil or non-stick cooking spray
2/3 cup (167 ml) panko breadcrumbs
1/3 cup (83 ml) grated parmesan cheese
Extra olive oil or cooking spray to top the breadcrumbs
Lemon Slices to serve
- Preheat the oven to 425 F (218 C).
- Grease a baking sheet with olive-oil or coat with a non-stick spray.
- Place the fish fillets on the prepared baking sheet.
- Mix the panko bread crumbs and the parmesan in a bowl.
- Sprinkle the fish fillets with the grated lemon peel and the salt and pepper.
- Top the fillets with the panko mixture and lightly drizzle some olive oil over the breadcrumbs or spray with non-stick spray.
- Bake until fish is just opaque throughout, 12–15 minutes.
- Serve with lemon wedges.
Joanne Nijhuis MSc, RD is a consulting, media and culinary dietitian in Simcoe Grey Bruce on a mission to entertain and educate through her love of food. In addition to recipe development and writing for several publications, Joanne offers cooking demos/classes and counselling – in person or online via Zoom Health.
For more information, email Joanne at email@example.com.
Kids, How You Train Your Parents to Nag
No one likes to be nagged, and kids tell me they hate it when their parents do it.
They are surprised when I suggest that perhaps they are the ones who trained their parents in the fine art of nagging. Read the following and see if perhaps you have unwittingly trained your parents to nag you.
The first thing you must do to begin training them to nag is to repeatedly forget basic things that you should be doing at your age. This might include teeth brushing, hair combing, bathing, or doing homework. Never do it until you are told. Three times.
Do things you should not be doing even though you know it annoys your parents. Talking with your mouth full of food tops the list, but you can also consider leaving dishes lying about the house, forgetting to put the milk back in the fridge, walking on the carpet with dirty shoes, and annoying your siblings.
You can further increase your effectiveness as a nag-trainer by telling your parents you will do what they are asking “in a few minutes”, or “when my show/game/phone conversation is over.” Then don’t do it. When they ask again, repeat the previous step. You will have them nagging in no time.
If you are not miserable enough with the nagging you have generated, you can make things even more unpleasant by acting as though there is something wrong with your parents because they nag so much. Make faces and roll your eyes when they ask you to help out. Add a big sigh for effect.
Of course, you can see where this all is leading. It is the way to create stress, turmoil, and unhappiness in the home. Conflict increases, fun decreases, and relationships suffer. It is all so unnecessary.
Life could be so much better, and nagging would virtually stop, if you would take a few simple steps. Do the things you are supposed to do before you are reminded. If asked to do something, do it right away. Then you can go back to what you were doing without being interrupted with reminders. Do a good job. And sometimes do something that is not your job, without being asked, just because it needs doing.
You can see now that if you follow those simple steps, your parents would have nothing to nag about! It really is that simple. Look, you hate being nagged, and believe it or not, your parents hate having to nag!
If you were in school and your teacher asked you to do something, or to stop doing something, most of you would cooperate right away. Shouldn’t you treat your parents the same or better than you treat your teacher?
Think of all the things your parents do for you. Taking responsibility for acting your best at home shows love and respect for them. Give it a try.
Gwen Randall-Young is an author and award-winning psychologist. For permission to reprint this article, or to obtain books, CDs or MP3s, visit www.gwen.ca. Follow Gwen on Facebook for inspiration. Gwen Randall-Young Psychological Services Ltd.
Are You a Conversational Narcissist?
I have frequently heard mostly from women, that they have a friend who talks endlessly about her life but seems uninterested in what they have to say. A version of this is when women tell me they spend hours supporting a friend who is struggling, but the support is not reciprocated. Finally, there are those who never reach out unless they want something.
To be clear, a conversational narcissist is not necessarily a narcissist per se. Let’s look at the behaviors that are typical of the conversational narcissist. This person will monopolize the conversation. A conversation is supposed to be an interactive sharing. Instead, they dominate the conversation by focusing on what they want to talk about, which is generally themselves. If the topic turns away from that, they will disengage or use whatever another is saying to bring the conversation back to themselves. They are self-centered and self-absorbed.
They constantly interrupt. It might at first feel they are being helpful, but quickly the conversation is no longer about you but becomes all about them. Often, they can be critical or judgmental, and their situation is always more important than yours.
They act like they know best. It is like they see themselves as an authority on almost everything. You feel like there is no point in saying anything. This is because they seek approval and want to be the center of attention.
You may feel they are competitive. Everything they do or have is better than anyone else. They tend to brag about themselves, their children, their experiences and even how much money they have.
They do not like it when someone else has the floor and will turn the conversation back to themselves, even if it means interrupting. The truth is that no one enjoys being in the presence of people like this. If anyone ever calls them on their behavior, they will insist it is because they are jealous!
Someone who just talks a lot is not necessarily a conversational narcissist. The defining features are not letting anyone else talk for long, being uninterested in what you have to say, and acting like an expert.
It is important to realize that people are like this because of experiences going back to childhood. If they were judged or criticized, the inner child still has the feeling of being not good enough, even if they are very accomplished. The way they talk is to continually reassure themselves not just that they are okay, but they are better than everyone. With this belief, in their conscious or unconscious mind, they think they avoid ever being judged or criticized.
The sad thing is that this behaviour will result in others judging, criticizing, and even distancing from them. If it is someone you really care about, you can gently share your concerns. If they become defensive and attack you, then you really must begin to ask yourself why you stay in an unhealthy relationship that makes you feel bad.
Gwen Randall-Young is an author and award-winning psychologist. For permission to reprint this article, or to obtain books, CDs or MP3s, visit www.gwen.ca. Follow Gwen on Facebook for inspiration.
Gwen Randall-Young Psychological Services Ltd. | Website (780) 464-7005 | firstname.lastname@example.org
Ask a Therapist: On Shame-Based Goals
Q: At the beginning of the year I often feel like I SHOULD have some resolutions to be healthier in some way but, even if I start to make changes, I find those thoughts are not enough to motivate me to keep taking action and sustain a change in my life – why might that be?
A: It sounds like shame might be the motivation behind your goal setting. When we hear a voice inside our head that says we need to do better or that we aren’t enough, we tend to feel like we have to change because we are disappointed or even disgusted with ourselves. When we feel shame we want to do whatever it takes to get away from those yucky feelings of inadequacy and judgment. Sadly, that gross feeling becomes the motivation to change but it’s not a helpful motivation at all. The challenge is that a shame-based motivation is only sustained if we stay consistently in the space of feeling like a terrible person who is unworthy of love and that is not a space that we will naturally want to stay in for very long.
People with shame-based goals often see a cyclical nature to their attempts to change where they do well for a while but then relapse back into the same patterns. That relapse in behaviour builds up the feelings of shame again and will lead to another burst of motivation to change and so the cycle starts again. Perhaps the most prevalent example of this is the way that diet culture is designed to activate shame and put people into perpetual cycles of yo-yo dieting so that they will continue to purchase the next diet plan to try to fix what is broken – according to what they have been told about body image and health, anyway. Shame-based goals are designed to keep you in your shame, to keep you stuck.
They are designed and destined to fail because they are rooted in activating our crisis response to “run away” from the shame (that feels like a threat or predator). When you double-down on shame-based goals it will only lead to hopelessness. If you have thought to yourself, “I’m never going to get this right” or “it’s impossible to change” or “I might as well give up”, you are likely operating from shame which is not going to be healthy for you in the long term. Essentially, you are relying on a mood that is often perpetuated by negative self-talk or self loathing to activate your behaviour – and moods always shift and change.
Shame is a complex thing to understand and it can be helpful to talk to a therapist about how shame is a factor in your mental, emotional, and relational wellbeing so that you can devise some solutions to overcome its grip on your life. Ultimately, shame is a mood, inspired by an environment, that is held up by core beliefs and insecurities. It can be hard to determine exactly why shame comes up for you, specifically, without some exploration of the topic with a trusted professional. To get started in your exploration of shame, you may want to look into Brene Brown’s work and research around this topic as described in her TED talks, podcasts, and books.
Recently, I have been studying the importance of dream-based goals rooted in psychological research and explained so well by Matthias J. Barker (an excellent psychotherapist to follow on social media). Unlike shame-based goals, dream-based goals are rooted in values and connect deeply to meaning and that solid foundation becomes the motivation for real, sustainable change. In the next column, I will attempt to outline the key components of dream-based goals so that you can move away from shame into freedom and success in the areas of your life that are keeping you down. Stay tuned!
Covey Wellness Centre is a local spot for all your mental health and wellness needs. We are a team of mutli-disciplinary psychotherapists working out of our beautiful and serene space at B-12 Stone Street. Our wellness bookshop – which smells and feels like a spa – is open to the public every day except Sunday. Please visit CoveyWellnessCentre.com and submit the form on our Contact page to book an appointment or to inquire about our products and services or drop by for a visit! Follow us on social media @coveywellnesscentre and download and follow at Eventbrite for the latest updates and event tickets! We can’t wait to welcome you to CWC!