By Jason Weening
It’s been a while since we last visited Costco. How about you? To be honest, I wasn’t there long on our last visit. I had some work to do in town so I thought my patient wife would enjoy casually perusing through the giant boxes of diapers and $1.50 hot dogs with 30% of our children – the three youngest aged one, four, and six. The plan seemed well thought-out and quite workable for all involved parties. What we failed to take into account is that on most Costco trips we usually have four or five bigger, older and responsibler brothers and sisters to help watch the wee ones.
An hour and a half later I returned to begin searching for my wife and three offspring while gobbling up free samples of fruit bars along the way. She didn’t have her phone with her so I’d have to locate her using only my finely-honed wife-locating skills. My strategy for finding them was simple. They weren’t going to be looking at appliances, mattresses or tools so I could eliminate that quarter of the store. I wagered she wouldn’t take them through the dishes or clothing sections so that eliminated another 15% of the store. Most likely they were done with the dry goods and were in the freezer, bakery, produce or toy section. To reach those sections, my most efficient path passed through the toys. My search began there.
It must have been some sort of record because in only a few moments I spotted my beautiful wife standing next to a giant swing set assembled on a shelf and a kayak suspended from the ceiling. In front of her I was shocked to see a cart full of groceries but empty of children. Where were they? Had she asked a kindly stranger to watch them? Had she set them loose to roam the neck-high aisles of bulk candy and chocolate?
With my dad senses on high alert I approached her, all the while scanning left and right for the younglings. Then beneath the large swing set I noticed a half-empty shelf of large boxes. And who did I find sitting in this fortress of cardboard and steel shelving? My children happily hiding in their fort enjoying a jubilant game of hide and seek with their mother.
“I wondered where all the kids were,” I told her.
“I’m so glad you’re here!” she told me. I detected a hint of exasperation but was clueless as to the cause. “A lady told me that I was really brave to come here with three little ones,” she continued. How hard could it be? I thought. Wisely, I refrained from saying that part out loud.
“Are there more groceries to get?” I asked her.
“No. I’m done shopping.” We happily headed to the cheery check-out lines. There was more fun to come with small kids and big ice cream but that will have to wait for another time. Dad, I recommend setting up a Costco date night with your wife or even taking some kids with you for an extra fun experience! Time flies! Make every moment count! Even the drippy ice-cream ones!
Jason Weening buys groceries with his 10 kids and one wife and has more stories about it in his new book, “Yes, Dear…I’m Watching Them”. Now on Amazon!